They say that life is a journey. So, I sit down by the bend of a river and take a break. I mull over thoughts and people and moments. I think of nights when I sit bolt upright, sleepless with an exciting happy thought. I think of how loving people can transform into an actual physical pain. I ponder over inner demons and personal battles that are solely for me to fight. I resolve to go back and sort things out and then move on; or find an alternate path to settle scores. I think of learning to accept and co-exist with my nightmares.
Whatever suits me fine.
I remember how, when there is no release for pent up emotions, we seek solace in Gods and their kin. That brings me to my non-Abrahamic Gods. The ones I seek to adopt along with the One I am to love and worship. My thought turn to those gods who play terribly powerful roles, in deciding the twists and turns of my fate, whether I like it or not. Those gods who make me believe in a happy rainbow and a fretful rainy afternoon, that all is good. I think of the constant clash between Indian and the Judaic thoughts that invades my heart and mind.
Then, I drift away again —
I float in the foamy silvery waves of Rishikesh; I sit alone in the dark while others drank in the good times. Not too many unhappy thoughts were in my head, a lovely moment being at peace with my solitude. I then clamber the craggy heights of the Valley of Flowers to see tearful pilgrims trudging along dusty paths, along with mules. I drink dew off wild flowers and watch a pair of lean arms clutching a camera and making a few moments timeless. I lie in the meadow, the grass tickling my ears. I close my eyes and take a small nap. I wake up inside a crummy bus to Satpuli. My Own sits there right beside me, snoozing, deserting me to continue in my own thoughtless thoughts. I reach Shiva Café and find her lying cocooned in her own green shawl. I find him sprawled on a low seating, satiated with whatever he was up to. His blue tee shirt merged to my pink. Pinks and Blues and Greens. I wished that we would never grow any older, or move an inch further.
I went to many places at once.
And all this by the bend of the river.